Gotta “stick” up for my fellow drummers

Soundcheck has a semi-lame/semi-enjoyable “Smackdown” on drummers, subtitled “Heart of the Band ... Or Butt of the Joke?”

As a former drummer, you can guess which side of the debate I’m on. Don’t get me started about guitarists who think “11” is a starting point or lead singers who think they’re all that (Charlie Watts reputedly punched out Mick Jagger after Mick introduced him as “my drummer”; Watts was said to have replied, “No, you’re my singer”).

The "Smackdown" at its core taps into a perception that’s more real than you think, as evidenced by many of the 80+ comments, but ultimately devolves into hackneyed -- but still funny -- jokes that every musician (particularly thin-skinned guitarists) have told over the years:

Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer!Legendary Spinal Tap drummer Mick Shrimpton, the ultimate amalgam of drummer jokes

Q: What happened when the bass player locked the keys in the van?
A: It took all day to get the drummer out!

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A: Drool!

Q: What’s the difference between a drum solo and a broken vacuum cleaner?
A: A broken vacuum cleaner doesn't suck!

I actually agree with the last one. Maybe it’s because I never learned to solo, but even when I watched the best, there’s nothing worse than a drum solo.

If you're a musician, you've heard all those jokes, and probably, like me, substituted other words like “guitarists” in retelling them. Example: How do you get a guitarist to shut up? Put sheet music in front of them.

Exactly.